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Corsican Brothers (Cheech and Chong) poster

Louis and Lucian Corsican

(Cheech & Chong's 1984 movie)


Power Level:
Game system: DC Heroes Role-Playing Game

Context

Cheech & Chong’s The Corsican Brothers (very loosely adapted from Alexandre Dumas) is a 1984 lowbrow comedy movie. It came at the end of the big era for “stoner comedies” – Cheech & Chong being one oft he big names of this late 1970s/early 1980s movie genre.

This profile was actually requested by a friend of mine.


They saw Paris. They saw France. They saw the Queen in her underpants.


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Background

  • Real Name: Louis and Lucian Corsican.
  • Marital Status: Single.
  • Known Relatives: Unnamed (fathers, deceased), Unnamed (mother), each other (brothers).
  • Group Affiliation: The Corsican brothers and the Revolution.
  • Base Of Operations: France.
  • Height: 5’6”(Louis) 6’1”(Lucian) Weight: 165 lbs (Louis) 190 lbs (Lucian) (a guess).
  • Eyes: Brown Hair: Dark Brown Age: 31


Powers & Abilities

The Corsican brothers are bound by destiny. A spiritual bond that allows one brother to feel the others pain. Not emotional pain, no, quite literal actually. When Louis gets in a drinking contest its Lucian who gets wasted.

Lucian is a revolutionary and has been training for the coming revolt for years. This has made him more observant (or paranoid) than his brother. He practices swordplay with sticks, uses vegetables as weapons, and uses swinglines like Robin Hood of old. He’s learned to disable a man through unarmed combat but later excels with sword, dagger, or improvised weapon.

Lucian is very aware of Fuckaire’s oppression of his people.

Louis on the other hand is the free spirit. He has next to no skill in fighting nor does he want any. He loves his brother, loves to eat and party; beyond that he wants nothing to do with any revolution.


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History

History abounds with stories of men who rose to meet the challenge of destiny. Brave men touched by the fire and passion of revolution. This is a story torn from the romantic and violent pages of history. A true story of two noble brothers.

The bond of sympathy that united them and their devotion to a just cause! Their daring adventures have been too long unremembered. Perhaps because they did not seek personal glory.

A long time ago on an island far, far away. Even before their birth the brother’s lives were marked with irony and intrigue. The father was a rich and powerful aristocrat and had it not been for a romantic indiscretion of his passionate young wife our heroes might have been raised as gentlemen and we would have no story to tell.

The Corsican Brothers (Cheech and Chong) grinning

At their birth, their mother ran screaming down the road never to be heard from again. The twin’s fathers, indiscretion revealed, dueled with pistols. This resulted in the death of both men as well as some innocent bystanders.

Despite the death of their fathers Lucian and Louis as they were called, had a happy childhood humbly raised as peasants. Their humble upbringing could not disguise the fact that these were no ordinary peasants. They shared such a bond between them that each could feel the happiness or pain of the other.

As the years passed this would prove to be a heavy load to bear for the brothers.

As children the two learned how to hurt the other and play pranks on each other. However nine years later, they went too far and burned down their cottage. The brothers were quite dumb and soon became separated and lost. Each tried to find their own way home.

21 years later…

The Corsican brothers met when Louis finally found his childhood home. Lucian was skeptical that Louis was his brother but a bonk on the head removed all doubt. Louis revealed the state of their homeland to his brother.

Evil men had taken over. They were heavily taxing, abusing, or right out killing the people. Behind every evil deed was one man, the cruel Fuckaire. (Pronounced Foo-care)

By chance Fuckaire’s prized pet, a white poodle, ran into the woods and was found by the Corsican brothers. The brothers were quickly surrounded and captured by Fuckaire’s soldiers. The brothers saw firsthand how peasants who crossed Fuckaire were treated and were about to be put to death themselves.

The brothers gave a defiant speech and fought back; winning the heart of the crowd. Fuckaire gave into wants of the crowd and spared the brothers. The Princess also took notice of the brother’s bravery.

The Corsican Brothers (Cheech and Chong) ready for battle

Fuckaire was constantly trying to do away with the Queen by poisoning her meals, he had become so blatant that everyone knew what he was doing. Still, all the Queen wanted was to eat.

The Corsican brothers were put in the dungeon only to escape moments later; humiliating Fuckaire in the process. Per Lucian’s plan the brothers split up to meet again at the Inn. Louis stole some horses from the Queen’s stables while Lucian ran diversion with the guards.

By the time Lucian made it to the Inn he was feeling heavily intoxicated due to the effects of Louis’ drinking contest. Louis did gain some money for the two.

Unfortunately, believing they had met the same girl at different times during their exodus, dueled for her love the next morning. Lucian was still drunk and the duel turned quickly into a comedic display of each brother stabbing himself to cause pain to the other. Just then both girls arrived at the same time proving the brothers had indeed met two women and not just one.

Fight! Love! Revolution!

Later, Louis hatched a plan to get back into the castle unnoticed. They took the identities of two foreigners and entered the castle disguised. When Louis whispered to his girlfriend the princess that it was him in disguise, Fuckaire overheard and supposed instead Louis was secretly requesting a meeting with him.

Louis played the part of hairdresser for the queen but not knowing what he was doing caused her hair to fall out! Lucian looked throughout the castle for a good sword. A pair of great swords was mounted in a bedroom but he could not dislodge them from their wall mounts.

When he found his brother Louis, Lucian lead him to the room with the swords intent on getting them. The room was full of young women who attempted to seduce the brothers to Louis’ delight, however, the princesses walked in on them.

The princesses left furious over the betrayal. Lucian caught up to his princess and made amends. Louis ran into Fuckaire and to keep up their ruse endured torture at his hand. Of course, he felt no pain at all. Lucian on the other hand…

The Corsican Brothers (Cheech and Chong)

Lucian realizing his brother must be in trouble hastily went to his rescue. He and his brother made good their escape while the castle slept. Lucian had taken with him a longsword and dagger. In his zeal Lucian yelled for guards to come fight!

It wasn’t long and the brothers were again captured. Lucian soon devised a plan and he escaped their cell by making a rope from their clothes and beating the cell bars apart with stale French bread. Louis did not make it out though.

Lucian was not a man to forget his brother. He remembered how they had loved and cherished each other through the long years of separation. How deeply the fate of one had always affected the other and his loyalty and resolve strengthened.

So for his beloved brother Louis; Lucian prepared to draw together his peasant followers and bring an end to oppression forever! Lucian’s army marched forth with pitch-fork, torches, and stale bread.

The peasant army marched right into Fuckaire’s courtyard to stop the execution of Louis, which happened to be the 5000th execution that month. Battle was soon joined! So, it came to pass that France was delivered from tyranny and emerged into a new age of freedom.

The evil Fuckaire had perished as was just and of Lucian and Louis it may be fairly said that theirs was a most special destiny.


Description

Lois’ hair is dark and wavy tied in a pony-tail style, long sideburns and a thick mustache. Louis and his brother wear a similar fashion with a white open chested shirt with dark pants with red sash and brown sandals in swashbuckler fashion. Lois sometimes where’s a green jacket or bright colored tie.

Lucian wears his hair pulled back in a pony-tail with fully grown beard and mustache. He will often have a knife or wooden sword near at hand. Unlike Lois, Lucian wears high leather boots and tan pants. He also wears black gloves.


Personality

Louis

Louis is an under-achiever with dreams of wealth and fame. He’s not the smartest guy often missing the obvious with comical results. Lois loves a good time; he’s always looking for the next party or beautiful babe. He’s a terrible liar. Instead of admitting guilt he’ll blame it on gypsies most likely.

Lucian

Lucian has grown to know the harsh reality of living under the oppressive regime of Fuckaire. He’s been practicing for the rebellion for some time, it’s always on his mind. Lucian had gone to living off the land hiding from Fuckaire’s soldiers. He sometimes swings by (literally) to inform his peasant friends of how the revolution is going.


Quotes

Louis: “… and the gypsies stole us.”

(Upon meeting after 21 years apart)
Lucian: “You look great ! But you look, so, so Mexican !”
Louis: “… you look, uh. You look terrible. What’s going on around here where is everybody ?”
Lucian: “We’ve fallen into terrible times since you left, my brother. Evil men rule the country. All our people are either dead or in jail. These evil men they rape the fields and pillage the women !”
Louis: “That’s evil men.” (Nodding in agreement)

Louis: “You ever have a taco ?”
(Lucian makes no answer, just continues practicing his swordsmanship)
Louis: “Ah, I guess they don’t have tacos in France. Ah, I remember this one time this restaurant I used to work… I mean own. Uh, they had a contest to see who could eat the most tacos. I ate a hundred forty three, heh, and I was still hungry but they had to close the restaurant.” (Sigh) “I’m so hungry I could eat a bowl of lard with a hair in it.”

Lucian Corsican (Tommy Chong) parries a axe

Lucian: “Fuckaire ! Fuckaire ! We thank you for allowing us the opportunity to show our people how real men die ! You may kill us Fuckaire but you will never kill the revolution. I am Corsican, I am not afraid to die.”

Lucian: “Let me be the first to die for the revolution.”
Louis: “Be the first to die.” (Frustrated) “Sure be the first to die. Wait a minute, they cut off his head I’m going to feel the pain !”

Lucian: “They cannot stop men who want to be free.”

Lucian: “My brother, there are some things cannot run away from. If this revolution is to survive men like me must fight even though the cause is hopeless. We must fight to free our brothers from the chains of oppression.”
Louis: “What brothers are you talking about ? The only brothers I see around here is me and all you do is get us caught. I mean did you ever stop to think that maybe you’re the only guy in the revolution ? You know, like, where’s your followers, huh ?” (Looks directly at the camera) “Hey, would you follow this guy into a revolution ? Of course not ’cause you got half a brain. So, who’s following him ?” (Thumbs towards himself then mimics a donkey)


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Game Stats — DC Heroes RPG Print Friendly

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Louis Corsican

A 135 points Character

Dex: 03 Str: 02 Bod: 02 Motivation: Unwanted Power
Int: 02 Wil: 02 Min: 02 Occupation: Unemployed
Inf: 03 Aur: 03 Spi: 02 Resources {or Wealth}: 003
Init: 008 HP: 005

Skills:
Acrobatic (Dodging): 05, Artist (Actor, Guitar, Singer): 02

Advantages
Language (Spanish), Luck, Schtick (The Corsican Effect).

Connections:
Lucian Corsican (High).

Drawbacks:
Minor Irrational Attraction to food.

Genre:
Action.


Lucian Corsican

A 239 points Character (without equipment)

Dex: 03 Str: 02 Bod: 03 Motivation: Seeking Justice
Int: 03 Wil: 03 Min: 03 Occupation: Revolutionary
Inf: 02 Aur: 02 Spi: 03 Resources {or Wealth}: 000
Init: 010 HP: 010

Powers:
Snare: 02

Bonuses and Limitations:
Snare has the Swingline Bonus, but is *only* usable to create Swinglines.

Skills:
Acrobatics: 04, Animal Handling (Riding): 03, Artist (Guitar): 02, Martial Artist (no techniques)*: 03, Military Science (Camouflage): 04, Thief (Stealth)*: 03, Weaponry (Melee, Missile) (Exotic: nunchaku, stale bread roll, bomb-taters, sling): 05

Advantages
Expertise (Astronomy, Woodland survival), Luck, Schtick (The Corsican Effect).

Connections:
Louis Corsican (High).

Drawbacks:
Serious Irrational Hatred of Fuckaire.

Genre:
Action.

Equipment:

  • Dirk (aka his sword) [BODY 04, EV 02, R#02, cost: 7]. The tip was broken when Lucian stuck it in the dirt at a young age.
  • Potato grenade “Bomb-tater” [BODY 01, Bomb: 05, Grenade Drawback, R#5].
  • Sword [BODY 06, EV 04, Cost: 18].
  • Dagger [BODY 04, EV 03, R#02, Cost: 8].
  • Bread like iron [BODY 07, EV 03] same stats for nunchaku made from this bread.
  • Sling [BODY 01, Range: 05]. Only projectile used was shit.

Previous Statistics

Lucian gains more weapons and the skill to use them after his brother’s imprisonment and imminent death. His resolve is strengthened and he raises a peasant army to revolt. Before this Lucian has only Weaponry (Melee and Missile): 03. By the end of the film his skill has advanced so that he may fight three swordsmen at once.

Louis dodges a swordsman mimicking a bull-fighter, a skill he never displayed until his brother rescued him from the guillotine. His Dex was a mere 02 APs up to that point.


I need a swing line

Lucian seems to always have a convenient swing line wherever he is. Even in the woods or in a dungeon. Even if that makes no sense whatsoever, or if it’s just to make a would-be dramatic exit or entrance. This is represented by his Snare Power.

By Ethan Roe.

Source of Character: The 1984 film Cheech and Chong’s The Corsican Brothers characters portrayed by Richard Anthony “Cheech” Marin (Louis Corsican) and Thomas B. Kin “Tommy” Chong (Lucian Corsican). Story very loosely based on the novella The Corsican Brothers by Alexandre Dumas.

Helper(s): Adam Fuqua for the Corsican Effect Schtick.

Writeup completed on the 29th of September, 2014.

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