Men from NOWHERE (the false ones)

False men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E

Power Level:
Game system: DC Heroes Role-Playing Game

In media N.O.W.H.E.R.E.

While perusing Kansas Jim’s Who’s Who 4 document, I was made aware of that most deplorable fact : no stats have ever been published about the Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E..

Even for those who have not been lucky enough to read Doom Patrol, the article in DC’s loose leaf Who’s Who #13 should provide some information. If you don’t have that one, well… I’m afraid it’s a bit convoluted, and I can’t explain it here. Go buy Doom Patrol back issues.

As you are undoubtedly aware, there are false Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E. and real Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E.. Here I’ll describe the false Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E.. They appeared in Doom Patrol #35.

They’re the cute fellows with violet overcoats, light blue oval heads with random handwriting appearing on it, eyes hanging from miniature cranes on the top of their head, and miniature smoking factories on their shoulders.

They’re also the ones that only talk by using acronyms of N.O.W.H.E.R.E. (“Never Open William’s Head, Evil Reptiles Emerge” is my favorite. “Naked Old Widows Hover Earlier Round Easter” is also cute).

False Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E. are good for thrashing civilians and confusing the police. But they don’t have much initiative and, of course, zero imagination.

Game Stats — DC Heroes RPG

Tell me more about the game stats

False Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E.

Dex: 06 Str: 04 Bod: 04 Motivation: Mercenary
Int: 02 Wil: 03 Min: 04 Occupation: Orderly thugs
Inf: 02 Aur: 02 Spi: 03 Resources {or Wealth}: 00
Init: 010 HP: 000

Systemic Antidote: 12

Weaponry (firearms): 06

Minor Security Clearance, Iron Nerves.

Strange Appearance, CIA (CIA ! Get it ? Harf harf !) toward N.O.W.H.E.R.E. acronyms, MIH of the irrational.


  • Pistol [BODY 06, Energy blast: 07, Invisibility: 08, Limitation: only the gun itself is Invisible, and it still casts a shadow].
  • A TEAR IN THE SLEEVE [BODY 02, Magic blast: 13. Limitation: Magic blast has No Range. Notes : False Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E. have a tear in the sleeve of their overcoat. If somebody looks at the tear (for instance, if the Man from N.O.W.H.E.R.E. puts his arm in front of your face), he suffers a mean 13 AP Magic Blast.
    This attack takes the form of teleporting the victim’s soul to the Tearoom of Despair, a pocket dimension 2 APs away from Earth. There, he just can drink tea, have rain fall on him, and listen to a strange waitress, endlessly telling him about how horrible and despairing life is.
    If this attack brings your SPIRIT to 0 or worse, the character becomes a homeless, confused, mentally debilitated amnesiac for a few years. Since their spirit is still being smothered in the Tearoom.]

The Delirium Box

Delirium Box [BODY 06, Mental freeze: [according to how imaginative you are], Telepathy: 12, Limitation : Telepathy only works with False Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E., Bonus : contains instructions for making False Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E.].

Mister Jones brought them in existence with a Delirium Box. It’s a small cube that can be used to make false Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E., and to communicate telepathically with them.

Gazing at a Delirium Box is dangerous : the more sensitive and imaginative you are, the more you risk being mesmerized by the box, wondering at the ways it bends all known physical laws. Unimaginative people like Mr. Jones or the false Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E. do not have this problem, of course. But even good ol‘Cliff Steele fell into that trap after a few Phases.

It is quite likely that the Pentagon still has Delirium Boxes, and freaks going up against the government will probably end up fighting False Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E., I’m afraid.

By Sébastien Andrivet.

Source of Character: Doom Patrol, baby !