Granny Weatherwax

Background

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Powers and Abilities

Generally considered one of the most powerful witches  alive, Granny rarely uses her magic in earnest, but will use it for minor effects such as lifting and moving objects, reading minds, and starting fires. She occasionally performs astounding feats of magic, such as putting a kingdom to sleep for fifteen years.

She’s also one of the most skilled Borrowers ever, able to transfer her mind not just into animals, but swarms of bees, or even into her own blood.

Her main tool, though, is headology. Basically psychology, she uses people’s knowledge of her as a witch to make them think she’s done something magical, so implying she’s cursed someone will make them see every stroke of bad luck befalling them as being her doing.

She has a deep understanding of the way minds work, enabling her to make people better. It’s been said that the difference between headology and psychiatry is that while a psychiatrist will try to convince you there’s no monster chasing you, a headologist will hand you a bat and a chair to stand up to it.

Incredibly agile and stealthy for her age, Granny can fade into the background in a brightly lit room. She also has a good knowledge of natural medicines.

Wearing dangerous iron rimmed boots, and sharp hair pins, Granny is skilled in the judicious application of both. She’s slightly less competent with her broomstick, which to be fair is not the most reliable example of such.

Despite numerous repairs by local dwarves, during which every part of it has been replaced over time, it still needs a running start to get going, and then runs the risk of just stopping.

Granny’s flying technique involves sitting bolt upright, in defiance of air resistance (a fight she usually wins), and she tends to fly in straight lines, expecting others to move out of her way, whether birds, trees, other witches, or mountains.

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Of witches

In the mountains witches are respected (if you know what’s good for you) figures who see to the well-being of the residents within their area, and battle any magical threats to it, although they don’t interfere with more mundane threats.

This does not, of course, preclude manipulating and nudging events so that a tyrant who threatens the land is dealt with, but in general they avoid interfering in politics, especially by use of magic.

A witch’s cottage, and most of its contents, are inherited with the area they take care of. A witch owns very little of her own. They keep an eye on goings on in the area, know who’s feuding with whom, know which elderly residents require help, aid in births and funerals, and tend illnesses and injuries as required.

They don’t charge for their services. But it’s generally understood that if they help you you’ll take them spare clothes, food, or a number of other little things as needed (counts as Rich Friends). Failure to do so can result in a number of odd little disasters befalling.

A witch’s explanation of magic could go as follows. he universe consists of a zillion trillion billion possibilities, and could become any of them if a trained mind rigid with quantum certainty was inserted into the crack and twisted.

If you need to make someone’s hat explode, all you need do is twist into the universe where a large number of hat molecules all decide at the same time to bounce off in different directions.

Granny uses as little magic as possible to deal with situations, while occasionally using flashy stuff to make a point, since she believes that problems fixed with magic will only get worse (using magic to overthrow a tyrant would set her up as a tyrant, making whoever came to power in his place afraid of angering her).

She’ll use magic in little ways, but has rarely used it at close to the level she’s capable of.

History

Born in the remote rural kingdom of Lancre , Esme Weatherwax decided early in life that she would be a witch. Her family had a history of magic, with her grandmother Alison having been a famous witch, her distant cousin Galder Weatherwax a former Archchancellor of the Unseen University, and her sister Lily also having become a witch, although she left home early.

Determined on her course from an early age, Esme avoided romantic entanglements, the closest she came being when young Mustrum Ridcully visited her village, at which time she also encountered the Queen of the fair folk, whose glamer she managed to resist.

While the traditional method of enrolment for witches was to approach a witch, say you want to be a witch, then endure their glare long enough to be accepted, Esme wouldn’t ask. She simply camped on Nanny Gripes’ cottage lawn until she agreed to tell Esme everything she knew.

It took a week, and she had the afternoons free. She rose to become one of the most respected and powerful witches in the Ramtops region, settling in the hamlet of Bad Ass. She briefly adopted the name ’Endemonidia‘, but that only lasted a few hours.

Equal Rites

Despite her dislike for doing so, Granny took on an apprentice when Eskarina Smith  showed signs of being adept at wizard magic, which Granny had feared since events at her birth. Unable to cure her of the affliction, Granny decided to take Eskarina to the Unseen University in Ankh-Morpork.

The journey was partially slowed by Granny’s aversion to flying by broomstick, but after she lost Eskarina, Granny reluctantly borrowed an old broomstick from a town witch.

Old and temperamental, the broomstick works as well today as it did then, (mainly because she browbeats local dwarves into patching it up so much that nothing of the original broom remains) which isn’t saying much.

Catching up to Eskarina (who had for some reason intended to run away from her) in Ankh-Morpork, Granny kept her distance but helped Eskarina gain reluctant admission into the University, herself getting a job with the staff there (not that she actually did any work).

When a hole was ripped between the Discworld and the Dungeon Dimensions, Granny, after a duel to a draw with the Archchancellor, helped contain it until Eskarina and another student, Simon, managed to escape the hole and control the danger. Happy that Eskarina was content at the University, Granny made her way home.

Wyrd Sisters

When overeager young witch Magrat Garlick decided she needed to be part of a coven, she convinced Granny and Gytha Ogg (a shameless embarrassment to witchcraft and probably Esme’s closest friend) to join her. A coven of three witches is the smallest reasonable gathering of witches, since two is simply called an argument.

While reluctant, Granny deigned to take part (and it of course allowed her to lord it over other witches, not that she’d consider such a thing).

While at a gathering, the three witnessed a fleeing coach being ridden off the road by thugs. Intervening, they found themselves left in possession of the infant son of the newly-deceased King of Lancre. They gave the child, Tomjon, into the care of the head of a group of travelling actors.

The new King, formerly Duke Felmet, had been forced into it by his wife, and their rule quickly drew the ire of the country (the land, that is, rather than the populace), which made its displeasure known to Granny.

Realising the country wouldn’t wait until Tomjon was old enough to act, Granny decided they’d have to freeze Lancre in time for 15 years, an ambitious spell never before done on so large a scale.

Arranging a relay so she could change broomsticks, Granny encircled the kingdom while performing the spell, and all within it, including the witches, experienced but a night passing as fifteen years passed outside.

Felmet, accidentally convinced by his Fool (Verence) of the power of words, and going slowly insane with guilt, sent the Fool to find actors to put on a play rewriting recent history. Unsurprisingly, he returned with Tomjon and his company.

The witches used magic to cause the actors to accidentally replay the actual events, finally sending Felmet over the edge, and sending the Duchess into a rage. Felmet fell to his death, and while the Duchess escaped imprisonment, her flight ended with her surrounded by forest animals who took the kingdom’s revenge on her.

Tomjon and Verence were revealed to be brothers, and Verence took the throne while Tomjon returned to the stage.

Witches Abroad

When Magrat inherited the wand of Desiderata Hollow, a fairy godmother in distant Genua, Granny and Gytha insisted on accompanying her despite her protestations (which was what the late godmother had intended, but, witches being witches, couldn’t have asked, otherwise they’d have been too busy). Part of the reason Granny went was that she sensed Lily’s hand in events.

After an eventful trip (for everyone who encountered them), they arrived in Genua, where the elder pair made the acquaintance of Erzulie Gogol, a local voodoo witch who’d been allied with Desiderata, while Magrat visited Emberella, whom Desiderata had been trying to help avoid having to marry the Duke.

They learned another witch was trying to gain control by using the power of stories, and needed Emberalla to marry the Duke to solidify her hold on power. Esme was certain by this point that her sister was responsible, recognising her handiwork.

Lily, now Lady Lilith de Tempscire, created the Duke by transforming a duck into a human. She ruled Genua through him, punishing anyone who disobeyed the rules of stories. She wanted Emberella since she was the daughter of the previous Duke, whom Lily had supplanted and killed, and who was now Mrs. Gogol’s zombie servant.

Hypnotizing Magrat, they sent her to the ball in Emberella’s place, and despite Lily having Granny and Gytha thrown in prison, things went off-story. The magics resulting from the discrepancies to the story caused the Duke to revert to a frog, and Lily was forced to flee.

Mrs. Gogol wanted to exact her revenge on Lily, and used her voodoo to try stopping Granny chasing after her. Granny turned her belief in voodoo back on her by plunging her hand into a fire, causing the voodoo doll to catch light, then continued after Lily.

Esme confronted Lily, but they were facing each other between a pair of mirrors, the source of Lily’s power. When Esme broke one mirror, the damage rippled up through the reflections before returning at them, smashing the other mirror and stranding them both in different places within a dimension within the mirrors, surrounded by myriad versions of themselves.

Death appeared, telling them they had to find the real them to get free. Lily went running about trying to find her true self, probably forever. Esme looked down at her body and asked if that was a trick question.

Emberella became ruler of Genua, and the Witches returned home. The long way. And saw an elephant.

Lords and Ladies

On the way home, Granny sent a message ahead of them to King Verence, telling him to just arrange his wedding to Magrat, since she doubted they’d ever get around to it if left to their own devices. Magrat fell out with Granny over her interfering, before she even learned about the letter, and moved into the castle.

Granny and Nanny Ogg discovered some young would-be witches had been performing rituals by a circle of stones on the edge of Lancre, accidentally weakening the bonds keeping the fair folk from travelling to the Discworld. They tried convincing the girls, led by Diamanda Tockley (and including Agnes Nitt), to stop, but Diamanda called Granny out in a duel.

Meeting at noon, Diamanda challenged her to see which of them could stare at the sun longest. Worrying for Granny, Gytha kind of cheated, by arranging for one of her grandchildren to fall and hurt himself, crying out in pain. Granny responded immediately, and while Diamanda claimed victory, everyone else believed Granny showed herself to be the better witch.

When Granny saw Diamanda running through the stone circle into the Land of the Elves, she followed, again confronting their Queen. She managed to escape back home, but the passage was weakened and one elf managed to follow through in their wake, and almost had them, but Gytha appeared in time to knock him out.

They took the prisoner, and Diamanda, who’d been shot with a poisoned arrow, to Lancre castle, which was beginning to play host to dignitaries arriving for the wedding. Among the guests was Mustrum Ridcully, now Archchancellor of the Unseen University.

[Nothing is stated about the fact that Mustrum must now be fifteen years older than Esme, on account of her putting the kingdom to sleep for that long. But then, with both of them being heavy magic users, there’s really no telling how old either of them are, and no asking if you’re comfortable in your current shape.]

While the witches were busy with other emergencies, they failed to notice that the wedding’s entertainment, a play, was being performed near the circle, and they arrived too late to stop it weakening the wall between dimensions enough for the fair folk to take control of most of the guests.

Granny was also captured by the elves, collapsing under the Queen’s attack, only to be surrounded by a swarm of bees, which elves hate. It provided distraction enough for Magrat to force the Queen and her folk back to their own lands, but they then found Granny apparently dead.

Reluctantly searching Granny’s cottage for her will, the other two witches found a note indicating she wasn’t dead. Returning to where she lay in the castle, they found a swarm of bees at the window, which, when let in, flew straight to Granny. She returned to life, having “borrowed” the hive mind of the swarm (an unheard of feat among witches, of which Granny is insufferably proud for a good long while thereafter).

Magrat and Verence were married, and Magrat and Granny made their peace, mainly over Magrat having found the letter. Granny also managed to capture a rampaging unicorn left after the elves had departed, being able to ride it on account of her qualification for two of the traditional witch roles (maiden and crone).

Maskerade

With Magrat pregnant, Granny decided they needed to recruit another witch to take over her place in the coven. She inquired as to Agnes Nitt, only to learn she’d joined the opera in Ankh-Morpork.

On learning Gytha had written a popular, innuendo-laden, cookbook, under the alias of the Lancre Witch, Esme was furious that some might believe it referred to her. Calculating that Gytha should have been paid a lot more for it than she was (Esme being significantly better with numbers than Gytha), she decided to drag her to Ankh-Morpork to see to both problems.

Browbeating the money due Gytha out of the publisher, Granny then helped her spend it so they could infiltrate the opera house to investigate murders, completely coincidentally running into Agnes.

Granny posed as a rich patron, while Gytha mixed with the staff, and after a chase caught the Ghost, who hadn’t been responsible for the murders, and the musical director of the opera, who had been responsible, trying to hide the fact he’d been embezzling from the opera house.

They returned home, Gytha by that point as poor as when she’d left, with Agnes making her own way back, her dreams having been killed in a merciful manner by Granny’s pragmatism. The coven was soon restored to the full three members.

Carpe Jugulum

The birth of Magrat and Verence’s daughter saw a number of neighbouring dignitaries invited to celebrate, including the vampire Count Magpyr and his family. Unfortunately the Count was a modernist, who saw a new home as vital to freeing his family from old superstitions, so hypnotized the locals into accepting him as the new ruler.

The only ones immune were Agnes, and the Omnian priest, Mightily Oats.

Granny avoided their influence because she’d gone off to live in a cave, believing her time nearly ended, what with Magrat entering the mother role of the coven. The other witches found her and convinced her to help with the vampires.

Returning to Lancre, she faced the Magpyrs, and appeared to fail, being bitten and fed on by the family, seeming destined to become a vampire. They sensed no trace of her mind, believing she’d put it elsewhere for safety, but had no time to search.

Leaving Granny in the care of Mightily Oats, the other witches followed the vampires home to Überwald where they’d taken Verence. Coming to, but still weak, Granny nevertheless insisted on following, while fighting off the vampirism.

She helped Mightily Oats make the trip by letting him lean on her for the latter part, although it may have appeared to the unknowing witness that he was carrying her.

Not usually hospitable towards the visiting clergy who stumble into her sphere of interest, she eventually almost said a good word to Oats, and her acceptance encouraged villagers to attend his services.

Arriving at the final confrontation to find the Magpyrs suffering cravings for tea and biscuits, Granny revealed she’d hidden her mind in her own blood, and had thereby “Weatherwaxed” the vampires, neutralising a good few of their supernatural abilities.

When the old Count Magpyr woke, the citizens of Überwald rose up against the younger Magpyrs, preferring the old terror to the new-fangled ways of doing things.

Having dealt with the threat, and with Magrat no longer being a witch, inasmuch as the three roles of the coven were concerned, Granny returned to her cottage.

Tiffany Aching

While not really having any other adventures of her own since, she has helped tutor the young witch Tiffany Aching. While not actually training her directly, because she doesn’t do that kind of thing, she allowed Tiffany to learn from her on occasion.

Tiffany gave her a small white kitten, partly as revenge for her manipulations, and partly to try and find a softer side of her. Naming it You, Granny has reluctantly allowed it to live with her, making sure everyone knows she’s simply being charitable, and she only lets it sleep under her hat because it keeps her head warm.

Offering Tiffany advice, when asked, Granny has been content to let her deal with the problems. This doesn’t mean she’d be reluctant to deal with her own problems should they occur in the future, since for witches retirement is accompanied by a funeral.

Description

Tall (or at least giving a good impression of such) and handsome, Granny Weatherwax has, to her dismay as a witch, excellent complexion, no warts, and all her own teeth. She perseveres, nonetheless.

She prefers to wear a plain black dress, a battered black cloak, iron capped boots, and a traditional witch’s hat, having no time for fancy clothing (although she will take secret satisfaction from wearing such if forced to). When unwound, which is rarely, her hair reaches her waist.

Personality

Absolutely confident of her abilities, Granny borders on prideful, and would rather be respected than liked (which she isn’t temperamentally suited for), accepting fear as long as it lets her look after people. She has absolute poise, never appearing awkward unless she wants to, although she can adopt a doddery old woman act which completely fools anyone who doesn’t know her.

She has only a small circle of people with any real affection for her, mainly witches, and even they often get exasperated with her. But most people in Lancre know she’ll be there when needed, and that she acts in their interests. Young children and the innocent also seem unaffected by her harsh persona, and she’ll never allow a child to be harmed.

She adheres to a strict moral code, in order to hold her darker impulses in check. She knows full well that she was temperamentally intended to be the bad witch, but was forced into being the good witch due to her sister. Lily actually considered herself the good witch, because she gave people what she thought they wanted, whereas Granny gives them what she knows they really need.

The being forced to adopt a role not in her nature is the main cause of her internal conflict, and the reason she clings so tightly to the persona she’s developed, so that there’s hardly anyone who would recognize her without it. It’s also the cause of the constant anger seething inside her, which she harnesses to serve her interests.

She’s dismissive of ornaments and accessories used by modern “magicks”, and often employed by younger witches. She dislikes the written word (since most authors are dead it borders on necromancy), and is distrustful of stories, preferring people make to their own choices than be guided by the way things should be. She also has trouble with plays, and acting (he stabbed him, I saw it!).

Following her trip to Genua, she seemed to develop an itch to be out travelling or facing challenges village witchcraft couldn’t offer, jumping at any opportunity to do so. Not that she’d abandon her duties without good reason, or justification.

She may have overcome this since, and seems to have slipped into a more elderly stateswoman role among the witch community.

With a strong aversion to losing, and a fear of going bad, Granny is guided by her unshakable knowledge of what is right, and once decided on a course of action is almost impossible to stop.

Quotes

“There’s magic, and then again, there’s magic. The important thing, my girl, is to know what magic is for and what it isn’t for. And you can take it from me, it was never intended for lighting fires, you can be absolutely certain of that.”

“I learned my craft from Nanny Gripes, who learned it from Goody Heggety, who got it from Nanna Plumb, who was taught it by Black Aliss.”

Nanny Ogg: “No one would come up here this time of night.”
Magrat Garlick: “What’s to be afraid of ?”
Granny: (Smugly) “Us.”

Magrat [regarding Granny]: “Oh dear, I hope she hasn’t happened to someone.”

[Arguing over Magrat’s wearing trousers for a long broomstick flight]
Granny: “I don’t ’old with it. Everyone can see her legs.”
Nanny Ogg: “No they can’t. The reason being, the material is in the way.”
Granny: “Yes, but they can see where her legs are.”
Magrat: “That’s silly. That’s like saying everyone’s naked under their clothes.”
Granny: “Magrat Garlick, may you be forgiven.”
Magrat: “Well, it’s true.”
Granny: “I’m not. I got three vests on.”

Jason Ogg (speaking to Magrat with regard to Granny and Nanny Ogg accompanying her abroad): “Our Shawn read to me in the almanac where there’s all these fearsome wild beasts in foreign parts. Huge hairy things that leap out on travellers, it said. I’d hate to think what’d happen if they leapt out on mum and Granny. You will see no harm comes to them, won’t you.”
Magrat: “Don’t you worry. I’ll do my best.”
Jason Ogg: “Only it said in the almanac that some of them were nearly extinct anyway.”

Granny: “I’m goin’ to give you the hidin’ our Mam never gave you, Lily Weatherwax. Not with magic, not with headology, not with a stick like our Dad had, aye, and he used a fair bit as I recall – but with skin. And not because you was the bad one. Not because you meddled with stories. Everyone has a path they got to tread. But because, and I wants you to understand this prop’ly, after you went I had to be the good one. You had all the fun. An’ there’s no way I can make you pay for that, Lily, but I’m surely goin’ to give it a try.”
Lily: “But…I…I… I’m the good one. I’m the good one. I can’t lose. I’m the godmother. You’re the wicked witch…”
Granny: “Good ? Good ? Feeding people to stories ? Twisting people’s lives ? That’s good, is it ? You mean you didn’t even have fun ? If I’d been as bad as you, I’d have been a whole lot worse. Better at it than you’ve ever dreamed of.”

“Blessings be upon this house.” [Said in the tone people have said “eat hot lead, Kincaid”]

Granny: “I don’t hold with paddlin’ with the occult. Once you start paddlin’ with the occult you start believing in spirits, and when you start believing in spirits you start believing in demons, and then before you know where you are you’re believing in gods. And then you’re in trouble.”
Nanny Ogg: “But all them things exist.”
Granny: “That’s no call to go around believing in them. It only encourages ’em.”

Nanny Ogg: “That’s a bit heartless, Esme.”
Granny: “Heartless it may be, but headless it ain’t. I’ve never claimed to be nice, just to be sensible.”

Nanny Ogg: “Smells worse than the bottom of a goat’s bed. It’s a bath for me when I get home.”
Granny: “Oh, dear. It gets worse, don’t it ?”

Ridcully: “Some people might say this is important.”
Granny: “No. It’s just personal. Personal’s not the same as important. People just think it is.”

“I had to learn. All my life. The hard way. And the hard way’s pretty hard, but not as hard as the easy way.”

Villager (whose back she’s just fixed): “Er… about payin’…”
Granny: “Oh, I don’t want payin’. ’s bad luck, taking money. But maybe… if your wife’s got any old clothes, p’raps, I’m a size 12, black for preference, or bakes the odd cake, no plums, they gives me wind, or got a bit of old mead put by, could be, or p’raps you’ll be killing a hog about now, best back’s my favourite, maybe some ham, a few pigs knuckles… anything you can spare, really. No obligation. I wouldn’t go around puttin’ anyone under obligation, just ’cos I’m a witch. Everyone all right in your house, are they ? Blessed with good health, I hope ?”

Granny: “I know about fear.”
Nanny Ogg: “That’s true. Most of the people you meet are full of fear.”

“There was a wicked ole witch once called Black Aliss. She was an unholy terror. There’s never been one worse or more powerful. Until now. Because I could spit in her eye and steal her teeth, see. Because she didn’t know Right from Wrong, so she got all twisted up and that was the end of her. The trouble is, you see, that if you do know Right from Wrong you can’t choose Wrong. You just can’t do it and live. So… if I was a bad witch I could make Mister Salzella’s muscles turn against his bones and break them where they stood… if I was bad. I could do things inside his head, change the shape he thinks he is, and he’d be down on what’d been his knees and begging to be turned into a frog… if I was bad. I could leave him with a mind like a scrambled egg, listening to colours and hearing smells… if I was bad. Oh, yes. But I can’t do none of that stuff. That wouldn’t be right.”

Mightily Oats (regarding his Church): “There is a very interesting debate raging at the moment about the nature of sin, for example.”
Granny: “And what do they think ? Against it, are they ?”
Mightily Oats: “It’s not as simple as that. It’s not a black and white issue. There are so many shades of grey.”
Granny: “Nope.”
Mightily Oats: “Pardon.”
Granny: “There’s no greys, only white that’s got grubby. I’m surprised you don’t know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.”
Mightily Oats: “It’s a lot more complicated than that—”
Granny: “No. It ain’t. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they mean they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth. People as things, that’s where it starts.”
Mightily Oats: “Oh, I’m sure there are worse crimes—”
Granny: “But they start with thinking about people as things.”

“The reward you get for digging holes is a bigger shovel.”

[On being a witch] “We do right. We don’t do nice.”

Granny: “I walk safely in my mountains.”
Tiffany Aching: “But aren’t there trolls and wolves and things ?”
Granny: “Oh, yes, lots.”
Tiffany Aching: “And they don’t attack you ?”
Granny: “Not any more.”

“You’ll learn, my girl, that a bit of a show now and again does no harm to your reputation.”

Tiffany Aching: “I’m clever enough to know how you manage not to think of a pink rhinoceros if someone says ’pink rhinoceros’.”
Granny: “Ah, that’s deep magic, that is.”
Tiffany Aching: “No. It’s not. You don’t know what a rhinoceros looks like, do you ?”
Granny (laughs): “That’s right !”

By Gareth Lewis.

Source of Character: Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett.

Helper(s): Discworld & Pratchett Wiki, Sébastien Andrivet, Sean MacDonald.

Writeup completed on the 11^th of April, 2012.