Kelly Bundy

Background

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Powers & Abilities

Kelly is in excellent shape and can win brawls. She actually has quite a lot of luck all things considered (in DC Heroes terms also give her the Luck advantage if you really want to highlight on this ability – it’s often as if she were a counterpoint to Al’s and Bud’s general unluck), although a part of the chances she gets are probably related to her attractive looks.

Kelly is an expert at strip-poker, cue sports, pregnancy tests and insults. She has no motivation or head for study and has few skills with technical devices and, for example, always points devices such as a camera or binoculars the wrong way.

However, while a complete bimbo, Kelly has a lot of unusual skills, such as skill at archery and precognition, and excellent artistic skills and good looks, which are bound to give her success in life.

History

Kelly Bundy is the older child and daughter of the dysfunctional Bundy family in Chicago in Married with Children.

She is a high school student hanging out with a huge social circle of slackers and bimbos. After graduating tried her hand at a number of occupations, including as a model, waitress, TV mascot and news anchor, with various levels of success. The antics of the Bundy family remains well documented, and the show is heartily recommended!

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Description

Kelly Bundy is, simply put, a sexy blonde bombshell usually clad in trendy clothes and accessories.

Personality

She expects all men to be attracted to her, and quite often this is true too. Kelly has a sweet, innocent side to her too and she apparently sucks her thumb when she sleeps. She can actually believe any lie even if they are completely unrealistic.

She takes cartoons, like the Looney Tunes, to be true documentaries. Her favourite comic is Garfield. Naturally, she is a very poor liar herself. Hip to the max, she dreams of being the President one day and having a Dance Nation.

According to one episode her birthday is November the 27^th (close to the actress’s real birthday), but in another episode she stated that she was born in February as she is an “aquarium”. Kelly is usually in good mood!

Not the sharpest tool in the shed, Kelly’s brain can actually get full. Then if she learns more will lose something else, but until then what she knows actually is recalled very well. However, as she misinterprets a lot of facts, what she knows is often wrong unless someone taught her right.

She sometimes forgets basic words and has real trouble reading, and fails miserably at school, until she somehow manages to change the grades for the better. Kelly writes her name on her hand in order to remember it. She gets all metaphors and sayings completely wrong all the time.

Her intellectual level actually seems to go up and down from episode to episode (and even season to season) and it was suggested in one episode that she used to a prodigal kid until she got brain damaged in a smaller car crash.

Still, she sometimes breaks out deep philosophies and surprising expert knowledge about the weirdest of topics, or does complex mathematical calculations when properly motivated, hinting at an amazing hidden intellectual side.

As to family relations, she is daddy’s girl and crying or pouting to daddy sometimes works to get her wishes. Al really is always on her side, even if Kelly herself doesn’t know what’s best for her.

Kelly and the mother, Peggy, are also quite close, even as they both primarily guard their own interests firsthand. She and the brother, Bud, are friendly antagonists, insulting and messing with each other, but they always stand united against outside threats.

While always poking fun at her brother’s failures with women, she is actually proud of him when he succeeds. The family dog, Buck, was very dear to her even if she was incapable of taking care of him.

Despite having a bad rep with the parents — mainly through the efforts of her brother Bud, whom she needles in her turn — Kelly basically has a good heart, this while having no respect whatsoever for her elders.

She has a huge social network (which Bud is not a part of), is hugely popular, knows a lot of bimbos who share all her interests in bad rock music, men, clothes, gossip etc. She dates a lot of guys all the time, but never seems to have a steady boyfriend.

Even at a young age she was a veteran beer drinker, something her parents only suspected with a shrug. She is always explicitly called a promiscuous slut by Bud, but the actual truth of her life has never been known or shown, and in episodes where her dates were reported she was not behaving as badly at all (in fact, she was no worse than Bud in his pursuits).

It is known, however, that she has a real problem with celibacy. Boyfriends, that she has dated at least for a while, include Stabwound, Jake, Lester, Mongo, Larry, Harry Ashlund the City Councilman (in S05E13), Saltwater, Vinnie Verducci (S05E17, S06E09), Tony/Johnny DePotato/DeBodeddo and so on.

Al does often beat up her boyfriends by leading them, while feigning friendliness, only to walk them head-first into the edge of the stairway or a wall before throwing or literarily kicking them out. That said, her choice of boyfriend material is far from perfect.

There is, in fact, often a ladder outside of her bedroom window, at least according to Bud, although it was indeed shown in at least three episodes where others used it to reach other rooms. Her social life is a major part of her life and is guaranteed to bring her many chances in life!

Kelly actually is pretty lucky, in contrast to Al and Bud. She occasionally falls upon a profitable job or other greater income, but always manages to ruin it somehow. Kelly also has artistic aspirations and she is a natural in many fields, such as acting, singing, sculpting and modelling, fields within which she can easily find work.

Her longest works, however, have been as the Verminator on television, as a model and as a waitress. Over time, Kelly has matured into an independent woman with insight and street smarts. There are no doubts that she will someday either marry rich or fall into great richness somehow herself.

Quotes

“Mom, he’s spelling at me again !”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me. Someone stole an idea from me that cost me a modelling job so I’m going to handle this the only way the Bundys know how… with swift and blinding violence !”

“Get in the car, get out of the car, get in the car, get out of the car… you know, you’re starting to sound like one of my dates. They promise me ice cream too, but they never give me any.” (Bud tells her that they already got the ice cream and that it was good) “Where was I ?!”

“Dad, it’s so hot you’d lay an egg on the sidewalk !”

(Insulting) “Chew dad’s socks !”

(Al is about to ask a questions and Kelly interrupts) “Daddy, no matter what you heard on the streets, I’m a good girl and never would have done that.”

“The Bundy family motto is: it sees us, insults us, we kick its ass.”

“Daddy, let me give you some advice. Um, I’ve been watching these television shows about rabbits. Don’t put the barrel of the gun down the hole. Because what they’ll do is that they’ll tie it in a knot so that it explodes in your face. Or sometimes what they’ll do is they make it really long and curved so that it comes up in a hole behind you and you’ll shoot yourself in the butt. To be forewarned is to have four arms.”

“I came, I saw, I bounced. Today the [Cadillac] Allanté girl, tomorrow a slut in a Bon Jovi video.”

“Well, this is a fine howdy ya dowdy… you [Al] with your fairy stories about meat. And you [Peg] who goes to the market and brings home what ? Something with letters [a journal] ? That aren’t even in alphabetical order ? Which, I suspect, is used only by those who can read. Now, we were promised food, and what do we get ? Just another meatless Monday… this is no fun day.”

“I’m not a destitute. I’ve never taken money for…”

(Told by others when she says something stupid) “Rest, honey.”

“A job ? Me ? God didn’t make this package to work.”

(Mistakenly getting MENSA membership invite) “I’m a genius, and you’re not ! I shall now leave you to wallow in the murky worlds of your own Bud-dom. I shall now let the family behold my genius.” (then failing miserably)

(Lying to Al to get all the Christmas presents) “Hi, daddy. I just wanted to tell you I just got a call from the doctor, and I’m dying. I’ve got Bulgaria. The doctor says that it’s terminus. I’ve got ’til Christmas morning, and the only known cure is a good present. You know, in the 250-275 price range? It’s not like he [Bud] loves you or anything. And when I think of all the times that he wished you dead… oh, well, I just wanted to tell you that, but whatever you decide is ok with me.” (feigns coughing)

DC Universe History

Well, Kelly got eaten when her father Al turned into a zombie. There is no coming back from that, or is there?

By Dr. Peter S Piispanen.

Source of Character: Married with children TV-series; character played by Christina Applegate.

Helper(s): Ethan Roe and unicorn_epiphany.

Writeup completed on the 11^th of August, 2013.